Thursday, 1 April 2010

Writing Workshop - Why do I do it?

This post is for the wonderful writing workshop that Josie over at Sleep is for the Weak runs, this week I have gone with prompt number 4. Share a time when you felt a deep sense of rejection.

Its inspired by a terrible relationship I had in my early 20's.

If you haven't checked out Josie's fab writing workshop yet, you really need to stop by and check out all the great entries that are there every week.

Why do I do it?

Why do I keep letting you make me feel like this, worthless, unloved, stupid, rejected.

All it takes are your words, your actions, weapons you use to chip away everyday at the self esteem I try so hard to guard, behind a wall you tear down for amusement.

I tell myself I will stop it, stop allowing you the power to hurt me, stop caring, stop listening.

I promise myself I will close my ears to your words, turn my head, walk away, run fast, never look back.

But I don't , I stay, I wait for your crumbs, your careless throwaway specks of hope, the tiny fragments of who I thought you were, they are few and infrequent, but they keep me here, knowing I can't change you, but hoping I can change myself, hoping that finally your rejections will light the spark fuel the tiny ember  curled up  and hiding, the dry shell of the funny, vibrant, friendly girl I was.

I'm in there somewhere under all the rubble,under the wreckage off what I thought we had.

And soon I can feel it, your burning rejections will ignite the fragile shell of me and I 'll light up again.


  1. Aww this really made me feel quite sad :( I hope you are very happy with life now lovely x

  2. Wow-powerful.

    I don't know if this is an issue you had in the past and resolved or one you are still going through, so don't know exactly how to comment and support you.

    I do know that the people in my life that hurt me the most, I now believe were doing it because on a soul level I had asked them (prior to being born) to help me find my own self esteem.

    Even if you don't believe in any of that or god or anything else, you can still look at it as a lesson there to teach you to dig deep from within and answer first to yourself.


  3. Great post hun, I know where you are coming from x

  4. You're so brave, that post is so moving and such an excellent description of that situation. An incredible post