Writing Workshop - Why do I do it?

This post is for the wonderful writing workshop that Josie over at Sleep is for the Weak runs, this week I have gone with prompt number 4. Share a time when you felt a deep sense of rejection.

Its inspired by a terrible relationship I had in my early 20's.

If you haven't checked out Josie's fab writing workshop yet, you really need to stop by and check out all the great entries that are there every week.

Why do I do it?

Why do I keep letting you make me feel like this, worthless, unloved, stupid, rejected.

All it takes are your words, your actions, weapons you use to chip away everyday at the self esteem I try so hard to guard, behind a wall you tear down for amusement.

I tell myself I will stop it, stop allowing you the power to hurt me, stop caring, stop listening.

I promise myself I will close my ears to your words, turn my head, walk away, run fast, never look back.

But I don't , I stay, I wait for your crumbs, your careless throwaway specks of hope, the tiny fragments of who I thought you were, they are few and infrequent, but they keep me here, knowing I can't change you, but hoping I can change myself, hoping that finally your rejections will light the spark fuel the tiny ember  curled up  and hiding, the dry shell of the funny, vibrant, friendly girl I was.

I'm in there somewhere under all the rubble,under the wreckage off what I thought we had.

And soon I can feel it, your burning rejections will ignite the fragile shell of me and I 'll light up again.