The one where I have a moan and feel sorry for myself sort of

I have been having a really crap week this week, mostly I must admit caused by work and not home issues, the issues at work are really boring an are mostly about being really busy and having to carry someone who is not pulling their own weight, and I will sort them out I am just picking my moment.

Because of the issues at work I am finding it hard not having Mr W home, I don't have him to whinge at or to take over some of the responsibilities with smurf just to give me a bit of time of.

In all honesty the fact that my other half works away 3 weeks out of 4 has never really been an issue for me before and I know its only getting to me now because of the other issues, but it did get me wondering about people who have to cope on their own all the time,without any help.  I am lucky although Mr W is not at home I do have my family close by and they are a great help, but there are some mums and dads out there who have no one else to turn to for a bit of support, this is one of the reasons I think blogging and twitter can offer a bit of help and advise or just somewhere to have a rant and moan if that is what you need.

So hurray for blogging and the power of twitter

The Gallery - Portraits

My blog has been getting sadly neglected the last couple of week due to being super busy at work (poor excuse I know).  However I always try to make time to stop by for The Gallery by the lovely Tara Cain at Sticky Fingers, cause I just love it.

This week Tara gave us the theme of portraits, and being the self indulgent type of mother that I am and thinking, like we all do that my child is too cute for words, I have decided to go with a few shots of smurf at different stages of his 3 years.

Smurf as a very small baby, makes me very broody

He is about 4 months old here I think, aren't the cute when they are asleep?

These are two of my most favorite recent shots of smurf, I could just squeeze those cheeks to pieces.

This one is smurf and his daddy catching 40 winks, its a hard life!!

As usual I cant wait to see the pictures everyone else has chosen this week, happy snapping!!!

A Trio of Sins

This week Tara over at Sticky Fingers gave us a great prompt for The Gallery, it was The 7 Deadly Sins...dum dum dum(cue dramatic music for effect).

I really wanted to go with the whole gamut of sins and get the whole 7 in there, but alas  year end and month end falling in the same week at work put paid to that, so here for your delectation are a little trio of sins thanks mainly to smurf and a camera obsesed mother (thats me)

Sin No. 1

Sloth - This is smurf flat out while his dad and I drink wine in the portugese sunshine...happy days.

Sin No. 2

Wrath - The face of a toddler who has just been told no ice cream for breakfast, even if the american kids at the next table are eating bowlsful of the stuff.

Sin No. 3

Pride - This sin is all mine, this is me with smurf just getting ready to leave grannies on his very first day of proper nursery.










Go on over to The Gallery and take a look at all the other entries for this week, and if you haven't already why dont you join in?

Say Hello - Wave Goodbye

I was pregnant, everyone in my family was very excited, this was a child they had never expected to see, I was not really one of those women who craved a child so my parent and grandparents had resigned themselves to not having a grandchild or great-granchild supplied by me and my other half, but here I was  pregnant and everyone as so looking forward to meeting the bump when he finally made his appearance.

My grandad was probably the most excited, a father of girls and the grandfather to girls he was practically vibrating with excitement at meeting his great grandson, he just could not wait. We were living in the midlands at the time and my grandparents were in Scotland but we would make frequent trips up to see them and they down to see us, they were both fit and healthy or so I thought.  

So when I was 29 weeks pregnant we found out that my grandad had lung cancer, and my heart broke.  In his usual style grandad took the whole thing in his stride and was determined that he was going to beat this and be fine, I only wished I was as optimistic.  Perhaps it was my hormones and being pregnant but I felt a terrible sense of dread that my wonderful grandad was not going to get to meet my son.

We visited and grandad seemed to be okay for about 3 weeks after his diagnosis, he constantly talked about taking smurf fishing when he was old enough and sharing with him his love of carpentry and working with wood, taking him to football games and on seaside walks and we agreed with him that they would have great fun together doing all those things and more, but we knew by this time and I think maybe deep down he did too that it was going to be a miracle if any of that happened.

My grandad only lasted 7 weeks after his diagnosis, we held his funeral when I was 36 weeks pregnant and smurf and Grandad Phil never got to meet one another, they would have been great friends I am sure, and we often talk about how grandad would have reacted to things smurf does and I can actually picture them together if i close my eyes.

We did manage to say our goodbyes and he left me with a love of the countryside and football that I will pass on to smurf for him.  

Although I had to say goodbye to a wonderful part of my life I got to say hello to another wonderful part too, I just wish they could have got to say hello to each other.

This post was written as part of the writing workshop over at Sleep is for the Weak, I chose prompt 5 recount the story of  a meeting or a parting

JOY - The Gallery

Only just got back from holiday and was promptly ill as soon as we got back, so I have not had time to blog, although I have some posts just bursting t be written.  However I wanted to post for Tara Cain - The Gallery because I absolutely love the concept and love taking part.

This week the prompt that Tara gave us is "Joy", I knew what picture i wanted to use straight away because the look on the faces of my two men just says joy to me...joy at being together and joy at what they are doing...they both love merry go rounds.  So I give you "Joy"

Normal Service Will Resume Shortly & The Gallery

We are on holiday this week so I wont be posting except to submit my entry for the gallery by the lovely Tara Cain.

I have really struggled with my entry this week, I mean ugly is subjective isn't it.  The picture I have chosen is a picture like that...I find the subject ugly with a capital UG, but my husband and smurf would have one in the back garden as a pet if they could get away with it.

This is a picture of a what it lovingly refered to by my hubby(who is english) as a highland coo (otherwise known as highland cattle), he loves them, this one was taken at an animal park we took smurf to last summer, it was pretty warm as is evident by all the flies  surrounding the ugly beast.

I cant wait to see how everyone else interpretted this prompt, its a belter.

                           

Writing Workshop - Why do I do it?

This post is for the wonderful writing workshop that Josie over at Sleep is for the Weak runs, this week I have gone with prompt number 4. Share a time when you felt a deep sense of rejection.

Its inspired by a terrible relationship I had in my early 20's.

If you haven't checked out Josie's fab writing workshop yet, you really need to stop by and check out all the great entries that are there every week.

Why do I do it?

Why do I keep letting you make me feel like this, worthless, unloved, stupid, rejected.

All it takes are your words, your actions, weapons you use to chip away everyday at the self esteem I try so hard to guard, behind a wall you tear down for amusement.

I tell myself I will stop it, stop allowing you the power to hurt me, stop caring, stop listening.

I promise myself I will close my ears to your words, turn my head, walk away, run fast, never look back.

But I don't , I stay, I wait for your crumbs, your careless throwaway specks of hope, the tiny fragments of who I thought you were, they are few and infrequent, but they keep me here, knowing I can't change you, but hoping I can change myself, hoping that finally your rejections will light the spark fuel the tiny ember  curled up  and hiding, the dry shell of the funny, vibrant, friendly girl I was.

I'm in there somewhere under all the rubble,under the wreckage off what I thought we had.

And soon I can feel it, your burning rejections will ignite the fragile shell of me and I 'll light up again.